Barry J - March 1, 2010
Barry J - October 1, 2010
Barry J - March 1, 2010
Barry J - October 1, 2010
Barry J - March 1, 2010
Barry J - October 1, 2010
Good afternoon. I just got off the phone with my mother and sister, Carol, out in Washington, and it seems that everybody is having a great visit with Mom. I sent a copy of “The Days of Luke” out west with Mom so that my sisters, brother-in-laws, nieces, and nephews could check out a couple of minutes of Luke’s life. For those of you new to the blog, I’ve been videotaping my son, Luke, every day for at least a couple of seconds since the day he was born, and I’ve titled it “The Days of Luke”. Obviously, it’s a work in progress and since his Mom and I are no longer together, I now only tape him on the days I have him, but it all works out. I didn’t think the kids out on the west coast would want to watch “home movies”, but to my surprise I guess Luke is a big hit. Cool. The truth of the matter is, I do the taping for Luke so that when he’s older he’ll be able to go back to almost any day in his life. I just think that the concept is pretty far out, and if I could do it, there are some days I would go back to for some type of recall.
A women I work with grabbed hold of my arm last night and said, “Lord, Barry, are you working out?” and then proceeded to poke my chest and back. Normally this would be considered some type of harassment in a work environment, but I was in seventh heaven for two reasons. The first being that the woman who was doing the prodding is absolutely a wonderful, heavenly person. The second being the recognition of me working out and getting in shape. Yeah, I’ll take the harassment and the compliment.
I hope everybody has a great day and gets squeezed like Charmin.
Later,
Barry J
Barry J - March 1, 2010
Barry J - July 1, 2010
Barry
Good afternoon. Well, last night I was beat up by a little old lady named Gertrude “how rude” Hawk. She had in her possession my kryptonite - Milk Chocolate Jordan Crackers. Here’s how it all went down. Last night, after doing what I do, which I can’t tell you about because it’s top secret - and if I would tell you I would have to erase your mind with my special cell phone that does just that. God, I’m so full of it, if you smacked me I would splatter. I stopped by a friend’s house that I haven’t seen since the middle of February. After asking how much weight I lost and telling me how good I look, his wife hands me a 10oz. tub of Gertrude Hawk Milk Chocolate Jordan Crackers that I had ordered from their daughter, Julie, for an Easter Sale back in February. Now I had totally forgotten about this purchase, and I really didn’t want these demons in my hands. I tried to tell her, “Oh that’s alright, you can have them.” but she wasn’t having any part of that conversation. So I thought I would do the tricky thing and set the tub on the end table as we caught up on what’s been going on, and then forget them when I left. And it almost worked. Forty-five minutes later I was unlocking my car door and I had honestly forgotten about those chocolate torpedo’s, but then I heard Dave behind me say, “Yo Bear, if you’re thinking you’re leaving these chocolates here, you’re sadly mistaken. We’ve got eighty-five pounds of Gertrude to get rid of and the only thing we’re happy about is that it’s all pre-paid.”
BUSTED. I had a thirty minute drive home. I knew I wasn’t going to make it, so I did what every sane chocoholic would do. For every one I popped into my mouth, I threw one out the window. I know, I know, I know. I littered. And I ate 5oz of sweet, sweet Gertrude “how rude” Hawk Milk Chocolate Jordan Crackers. But, when I got home I put on my Squirrel Man outfit and took care of all the remaining intruders that have infiltrated the nest. I will not tell you what SM did with the possible weight gain, but it went to a good place and did not end up along the roadside.
I’m going for my walk to get rid of this guilt. Oh, how heavy it is. But a person should not be judged by how many times he or she falls down, but by how many times he or she picks himself or herself up. At least that’s what I’m selling myself today.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and if you’re walking along Route 11 between Nanticoke and Berwick, it’s OK to eat them. They’re fresh and delish.
Later,
Barry J.
Barry
Good morning. I’m sitting here listening to Pearl Jam, having a cup of black Starbucks coffee, and thinking about the walk I just went for. I got up early this morning and had whole wheat toast with Jif. That’s right, I said Jif. I still have some left. Not much, but enough for a couple more mornings. I also drank a glass of juice that my Mom and I made. Did I tell you that my mother bought a Montel Williams juicer? Well she did. In fact, for the past ten years, my mom has bought practically every piece of health and exercise equipment that you see a celebrity or fitness person selling on TV. Her basement looks like a laundry gym. Let me explain. She sees something that sparks her interest into getting in shape, buys it, uses it for a couple of weeks, and then puts it down in the basement where it sits with drying clothes hanging from it – what I call a laundry gym. I have found that the Gazelle is the best for drying shirts and blouses, where the Ab Lounger does a great job on your delicates. God bless her heart. But I’ll tell you what, this juicer is pretty kicking. It’s not like other juicers I’ve used in the past. Maybe you know the kind – you use them once, all the pulp goes to the top, all the juice goes to the bottom, and cleanup is like the day after a New Year’s Eve party. You’re trying to figure out who was eating the fruit cup on your sofa and how they got the pineapple jammed in between the armrest and the cushion. But not the Montel. It blends well and cleanup is easy. It sounds like a 747 taking off when it’s blending a bag of spinach and fruit, but the end result is good. I even threw twenty five baby carrots into the mix. That kind of felt good, to tell you the truth – throwing carrots into a big blender. Man, that’s my dark side coming out. Sorry. Did I mention that I don’t like carrots?
Anyway, while I was walking I was noticing what people had in their yards, on their doors, and in their windows. First things first - sports franchises are a HUGE business. Like I didn’t know that. Like you didn’t know that. But if you ever want to do an experiment, go for a walk and count how many different sports team logos you see on the back of cars, in windows, on flags, etc. It’s amazing. Oh by the way, GO PHILLIES GO!!! Mind you I’m not a big sports guy, but I dig my Phillies and it’s getting to be that time of year.
Another thing I saw was Santa Claus. It’s April 2nd and Santa is still hanging around on the back streets of Berwick, PA. Rock on Santa. Rock on.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and if you see Rudolph, send him my way. I know where his boss is.
Later,
Barry J.
Barry
Good morning. And we’re back to beautiful weather here in PA. My phone is what woke me this morning, and it was one of those good news/bad news phone calls. It seems my neighbor, Christine, received a package for me last night while I was out doing one of my top secret missions. That’s the good news. The bad news is that as she was picking it up off the front porch, she threw her back out and ended up in the emergency room. She called at 8:00 am to let me know that her brother had gone into her apartment to get the package and place it back on the porch, in front of my door. Her exact words were, “Barry I don’t know what’s in there, but it didn’t look that heavy. The first time I injured my back was with a bag of cement, and that package has the same type of vibe.” I’m thinking to myself, what could it be? I haven’t ordered anything as of late. So I head to the porch. I figure if this thing took my good neighbor Christine down, I’m going to do the smart thing and lift with my legs. Thank God I did. She was right - it’s not very big, but HEAVY. I lug it inside and check the weight on the sucker. 26 lbs. I go to my dresser, grab my Kershaw pocket knife, come back out, and surgically open the box. What is it, you ask? My sister Barb, aka Aunt Babs (Luke loves his barn yard bowling by the way. I’ve heard of cow tipping before, but this is awesome. Please tell James and the kids thank you.), aka older than dirt, aka Adams lover sent me six, SIX, mind you, SIX-two pound four ounce glass jars of Adams peanut butter. Barb, I love you, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but you do realize that’s 13 1/2 pounds of peanut butter? You do also realize that I’m single? Also the pre said mentioned 216 oz. of peanut butter will expire in October? Did I also ever mention that I like Jif? Now don’t get mad at me for saying that. It’s just that maybe you could have gotten me one jar, and then I could have taken it for a test drive? Did I mention that I love you? I guess what I should be saying is thank you. Carol, do you have any recipes for peanut butter? It seems there is no shortage of it here in PA. Man, that’s just mean. Sorry. Did I try it? Yes. Did I Like it? It was not the worse tasting peanut butter. But Barry likes his Jif. I have a feeling I will never be receiving anything from the Pacific Northwest again.
On to bigger things. Literally. I weighed myself last night, and it seems that I have gained nine pounds! NINE POUNDS, Carol! What’s up with that? You’ve got me eating carrots, apples, walking, admitting to the public that I’m the King of overdoing things (which I guess makes Barb the Queen - sending me a peanut butter factory for the love of Pete and Todd (great band)), oh yeah, and one more thing … April Fools! OK, I had to do it. This is, like, my favorite day. First things first – my neighbor Christine is fine and not in the hospital. Barb did send me 13 and a 1/2 pounds of Adams peanut butter and besides the packing peanuts that I’ll be picking up for the next thirty years, it’s not that bad. It’s not Jif, but it’s good and I like it. Thanks Barb. Very thoughtful, as usual. As for the nine pounds? I lost nine pounds, folks. That’s right, NINE pounds just from eating a healthy breakfast, an apple a day, and walking 15 minutes three days a week. I’m not mentioning the carrots. They don’t count yet. I haven’t befriended them yet. YET. I feel Great. My energy is up. My head is clear. And we have another eleven months to go. I’m going to keep going, and I hope some of you will join me. Speaking of going, I’m going to go out now and enjoy this beautiful morning.
Have a great day and remember to lift with your legs.
Later,
Barry J.
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