Week 13: Eat 1 cup of grapes each day this week.
Barry J.
Good morning. As I was out for my walk I came across an elderly woman trying to start a lawn mower. Now mind you, at 10:30 am EST it was already eighty-four degrees and this woman’s age was close to how hot it was. As I was strolling up the sidewalk I was thinking to myself, “What in the baby carrots is this woman trying to do?” She was in the middle of a half yank when I came up to her and said, “I’m Squirrel Man and I’m here to mow your lawn.” I forgot to mention to you, reader, that I’m wearing a t-shirt that looks like a striped gray polo shirt with a purple tie. You know, one of those fake dress-up funny t-shirts. Also, my get up consists of black sunglasses that are huge – I mean ‘make me look like I have house fly eyes’ huge – and I say the Squirrel Man thing to her. She goes, “What did you just say?” I reply, “I’m in a little bit of a hurry Maam, but I’ll mow your lawn.” Her yard is about the size of a postage stamp, but the grass is as tall as the Serengeti during the rainy season. I look like a complete goofball. She looks from me to her yard to the mower and back to me. I say nothing else. I figure I made a goodwill gesture, if she wants to take me up on it then cool, if not I’ll just take my goofy looking butt on down the road. “O.K.” she said with a slight smile.
I started the mower in one pull and it took me less than ten minutes to mow down the evil Tall Lawn. Yeah, I went totally into comic book mode in my head while I went back and forth over the high grass. It wasn’t like I could just swipe it once and it was cut – oh no, it was a push through back it up three or four times type of deal. No problem for S.M.
In a way I was glad I was wearing the big glasses. I felt it still kept my identity a secret. Plus I don’t think I would have been able to do it in full Squirrel Man garb, I can’t see how squirrels don’t explode like popcorn kernels in a microwave when it gets hot out with all that fur. The only casualties in the battle against Tall Lawn were my new 404 New Balance sneakers, which right now as I type, are thumping around in the washing machine. They were nice and white when I started my walk, but ended up turning the same green color as some of the first juices my Mom and I made. It’s amazing how a bag of spinach dominates all the other fruits and vegetables when it comes to color.
The woman was very thankful and offered me some money for the service, but I refused and took a glass of water instead, which she gave to me in a vintage Pepe Le Pew Burger King glass from the 1970’s. If you don’t know what I’m talking about E-bay it, they’re awesome. Plus I thought it was funny and strange at the same time that she gave me a drink with the character which is the closest to a squirrel. Is it possible she heard what I said? I don’t know. She didn’t let on, and I didn’t ask. I just chugged my water and hit the bricks. It always feels great to do something good. I’ve got to remember that when I have days like yesterday.
I hope everybody has an awesome day and keeps my secret a secret SSSSHHHHHHH. (man that’s soooo nerdy)
Later,
Barry J
