Friday, 17 December 2010
Goal: Eat 1 apple each day this week.
Good afternoon. Well, here I sit knowing I have to start the Fit School over. I got off track and ended up in Candyland and frozen Pizzaville. I won’t lie to you – it was a nice visit, the locals are so nice and tasty. It took me three months to mess up what it had taken me six months to do, which in my eyes was get healthy, be in a healthy mindset, and be actually happy in my own skin. So, I figured I was standing at a crossroads where I could continue down the same path I was on over a year ago, and believe me, that path took years upon years to beat down. If scientist would take a thermal pressure picture from a satellite, like the way they did in Egypt around the pyramids to see how many millions of people must have treaded around the area to build those great tombs (Man I hope I’m explaining that right or this bit is going to bomb), my old path would show up like a red snake swimming down a green river. Anyway, I could continue on that old snake path, or I could make a right turn like I did back in March and get back on the healthy path. I’m making a right. I e-mailed Carol today to let her know I didn’t want to start completely over, but it’s her call. She’s the Guru, and I am the student.
The main thing is, I’m willing to start over. That’s the most important thing. I’m not going to ride myself like Seabiscuit anymore and feel guilty about messing up, I’m going to start feeling good about going back to the drawing board and painting some sweet pictures.
I hope everybody has a great day and enjoys my stick figures because I can’t draw to save my life, but at least I know what it is.
Later,
Barry J
Tags: Nutrition, nutrition goal, self-care
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Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Week 8: Walk 25 minutes at least 3 times this week.
Barry J.
Good morning. Luke and I just ate our healthy breakfast of strawberries, bananas, and oatmeal and now we’re getting ready to go for a walk. The weather seems to be getting back to more like Spring, which is always good news. Especially when you have a 607 day old, let me tell you what.
So I got a sale flier from Weis food store and I started noticing their produce prices compared to Giant food store. I don’t know if it was just this week or it’s been going on for a while, but if Giant and Weis got in a produce food fight, Weis would beat the carp out the big old Giant. I grabbed so many Fuji apples, baby carrots, broccoli crowns, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, and oranges that my fridge probably looks comparable to the refrigerator of the primate keepers at the Philadelphia Zoo. The best part is that I know none of this will go to waste. Have you ever gone out and bought a bunch of healthy stuff because you felt like getting fit, only to get off that kick and twenty days later the broccoli has started an illegal craps game with all the other fruits and vegetables you purchased in the back of your refrigerator because they’ve all turned bad? I’ve done it. I’ve already had a baby carrot ask me if I want a horn high yo and I didn’t take it and it hit. That’s where my animosity with baby carrots comes from, to tell you the truth. But the way Carol is setting this up at The Fit School, I know that each thing I purchase will end up in my belly. And I don’t have to worry about the State Police coming in and raiding my fridge.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and stays away from fruits and vegetables that have turned bad.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: Exercise Goal, Nutrition
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Saturday, 17 April 2010
Week 7: Eat 1/2 cup broccoli every day this week.
Barry J.
Good morning. Once again Luke and I have another birthday party to go to today. My cousin John, or as I like to call him, Lil John due to the fact he was named after his Grandfather, my Uncle John, who passed away back in ‘91. My Uncle John was a cool man and although he was not biologically related to me, he was in my life quite a bit growing up. He was a medic during World War II and if you have ever seen a show, movie, or documentary on WWII, you know that medics were looked upon as god sends. Well that sums up Uncle John. He was this little Greek dude, but he put off this HUGE persona. He also gave me one of my favorite bits (jokes) that I still use to this day. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him pull it off. Now you’ve got to remember that this man, to me, was always old. He took our family out to eat one night along with others for my sister Barb’s high school graduation, so there are about twelve of us. At the end of the meal the waitress comes up and presents Uncle John with the check. He takes a quick glance at it and then goes to her, “Does it matter who pays for this, my dear?” The waitress looks down at him and says “No sir, it doesn’t matter.” He then yanks the hook and says, “Well, then you take care of it.” and hands the check back to her with that sly Uncle John smile. Now almost everybody at the table hears and sees this and gets a chuckle out of it. I find it funny, but then he takes it to the next level which I found, and still find, hilarious. The waitress laughs and smiles and tries to give the check back, but Uncle John wasn’t having anything to do with it. He said, “No, no, you take care of it.” and then proceeds to ignore her. You may be thinking that this is rude. And you would be correct, in a way, but it’s a kind of humor you either like or dislike. Over the years I’ve come up with a name for it. I call it the art of uncomfortability and you’re either playing it or you are it. Andy Kaufman was the master. My Uncle John was runner up. My sister Barb, with her sending of 13 1/2 pounds of Adams keep-refrigerated-after-opening peanut butter is also in the running. Man O Man, this could the award winning digression of the century. Where was I???? Oh Yeah. Sorry. Lil John’s birthday party. Holy Cow, not only did I get off track, I got off the planet.
So Luke and I being the party animals that we are will be going to another ho down. Lil John, like his name sake, loves to cook so I’m sure there will be a ton and a half of food. Once again, I will have to be keeping myself in check. I’m not going to miss out on all the good stuff. I’m just not going to do what I use to do which was eat until my belt pressed against my overhang, unloosen it to make more room, and pig out like a ancient Roman. I’m really glad I started at the Fit School this year. With all these parties I would be well over 300lbs by next March.
I hope everybody has a great day and tips twenty percent like Uncle John used to.
Later,
Barry J.
P.S. Happy 24th Birthday Lil John. Keep being you. I love you, man.
Tags: nutrition goal
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Wednesday, 14 April 2010
Week 7: Eat 1/2 cup broccoli every day this week.
Barry J.
Good morning. The last thing I want to do is complain. So the first thing I’m going to do, besides wishing you a good morning, is complain. Starbucks I love you. I truly do. Even your logo I find attractive in a ‘if Daisy Duke wore a crown’ type of way, but Dudes, you threw me a curve ball this morning. Luke and I woke up and had oatmeal with fresh strawberries and some pomegranate blackberry yogurt. I fill up Luke’s sippy cup with some 100% cherry juice cut down with a fifty / fifty water split, and I brew me up some Starbucks Breakfast Blend, my personal favorite. I just bought a new 12 oz. bag and as I’m preparing the coffee to be made, which consists of me pretending I’m in a Starbucks commercial. Yeah, you know the commercial. I’m all groggy, but I open this new bag of fragrant, bright citrus notes that are about to dance across my tongue (that’s what it says on the bag, Guys) and my day is going to be great. That is, until I notice the words “Half Caffeinated”. Not half decaffeinated, mind you, but half caffeinated. I’m like, son of a sea biscuit eating otter. Now I saved the last empty bag I used because Starbucks is cool in a way – if you go to one of their bistros and bring in one of their empty bean containers, they will give you a free tall 12 oz coffee. I mean, come on that’s great. What’s not great, and please almighty, delicious tasting Starbucks don’t ban me from your coffee shops with their free wi-fi’s and cool hipster scene, is your packaging and the distinguish-ability between your “half caff” and your “ZIIIINNNNGGG”. The truth is, it’s my bad. There is a difference. A very, very, very,very, slight difference. Do I sound moody? A little edgy? I WONDER WHY? Luke and I are going for our walk.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and reads the packaging very, very, very, very carefully.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: nutrition goal
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Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Week 7: Eat 1/2 cup of broccoli every day this week.
Barry J.
Good morning. Happy Sixty sick birthday to my Mom. No it’s not a type O, she is sick as a dog. I’ve never understood that expression; most dogs I know are jumping around and having a good old time. Anyway. Mom is sixty-six years old, and if she knew how to operate a computer she would get a kick out of that last play on words. God love her, she always understands my sense of humor. Mind you, I said understands, not likes but understands. Man, I hope it wasn’t the last batch of Montel I whipped up for her? Nah, it can’t be or I would be praying to the American Standard, too.
Luke and I just ate carrots, broccoli, and apples – talk about a rough bunch of food. In fact, if that group of food was walking down the street in a small town, the locals would call the sheriff in a panic. That one was for Mom.
I’ve got to cut it short today. Luke and I are going on some sort of adventure. No, we’re not visiting Mom / Mammy, that would be too risky but we’ll find something to get into. I know we’ve got to stop at the store and pick up the ingredients for Carol’s Hide the Spinach Lasagna. Hey, what’s up with that, Carol? Luke and I love Spinach. There’s no need to hide it. But baby, adolescent, teenage, adult, or elderly carrots - I would love to see a recipe to hide every generation of that vegetable.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and finds a way to hide their least most favorite disliked vegetable.
Later,
Barry J.
p.s. Happy Birthday Mom. I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH, and get well soon.
Tags: nutrition goal
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Monday, 12 April 2010
Week 7: Eat 1/2 cup broccoli every day this week.
Barry J.
Good morning, and it’s back to being beautiful in Pennsylvania. I woke up this morning after having yet another great night’s sleep. Yesterday Luke and I had so much fun at Gauge’s birthday party. It was held at my Uncle Jay and Aunt Judy’s house, and the weather was perfect for an outside party with about ten kids under the age of eight running around. My cousin Joe, who is expecting his first child in late July or early August, manned the grill and he did a great job. He still had his eyebrows when all was said and done, and everybody had a look of contentment on their faces when they bit into his chicken and London broil.
Now some people get a pony or a moon bounce for their grand kid’s party, not my Uncle Jay, He just tilled up his garden and let the kids go nuts. Luke and all the other kids looked like Charles Ingalls after a hard day in the field. If you know Little House on the Prairie, you know that look. Dirty, yes. Tired, yes. Happy, Oh my, yes. I think Luke’s next themed birthday party is going to be DIRT. When I got him home we took a much needed showe, showe, and the dirt ring that was left behind in the shower was one of the most serious that I have seen to date. I was so proud. I then took him back to his Mom’s sparkling like a new dime and thought to myself, what a wonderful day. Thanks JD and Brit. Thanks Uncle Jay and Aunt Judy. Oh, and I had some birthday cake which I know is not the best thing for me, but it’s a birthday party and I kept myself in check. But let me tell you something, my cousins Josh’s wife, Laura, made one of Gauge’s birthday cakes, and not only did it look awesome, it tasted super great. So thanks, Laura.
Today I woke up and had my breakfast of cantaloupe with mixed berries on the inside, and a glass of ice tea. I have been eating my apple and baby carrots everyday, and I just found out that my new thing to grub on is a half cup of broccoli. Carol e-mailed me to give me a heads up, and she hoped I liked broccoli more than baby carrots. Yes I do Carol, but the funny thing is, broccoli was the first fresh vegetable we gave Luke and he loved it so much he freaked out like I probably freaked out the first time I had chocolate. We actually have it videotaped on The Days of Luke. It’s hysterical. He loved it so much I gave him the super hero name “Broccoli Boy.” Could it be serendipity that Squirrel Man has his sidekick????
I hope everybody out there has great day and leaves a dirt ring in the shower.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: nutrition goal
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Saturday, 3 April 2010
Week 5: Eat 10 baby carrots each day this week.
Barry
Good afternoon. It’s seventy eight degrees and Luke is sleeping behind me on the bed as I type. You see, today was a big day for the both of us. We went to Luke’s first Easter egg hunt, and it was super sweet. Did I ever mention that I’ve been videotaping Luke every day since he was born? Well, I should say every day that I see him or have him. He’s 590 days today, and I call the movie I’m making The Days of Luke. And today was a classic. After we woke and had a breakfast consisting of whole wheat waffles with banana yogurt on top (delicious by the way), we went out looking for Easter egg hunts. So I guess you could say we were hunting for Easter egg hunts. Whatever. We found one at the Bloomsburg town park. Hundreds upon hundreds of children, parents, and grandparents turned out for this bad boy. I wasn’t sure how Luke was going to react when the siren went off to signal the start of the hunt, but the camcorder was running one minute before game time, and when the wailing began Luke took off like Seabiscuit out of the gate. Picture this if you will, a hundred children ages two to four with their parents around a fifty yard square emerging in on one another with blind recklessness and trying to pick up as many multicolored plastic eggs as they could. In which some contain a piece of paper with a number on it that can be turned in for a prize. Well as I said, Luke took off like a Meatloaf album. He had his trusty Buzz Lightyear Easter basket/man purse, but he didn’t pick up any eggs. I tried to show him what to do, but he was hauling the mail. He was like Forest Gump (my favorite film of all time). GO LUKE GO. I picked up one purple egg for him, and in the time that it took me to do that he gained five yards on me and caused a small pile up of a couple of three year olds and a grandpa - but hey, if you’re going to get in a mosh pit don’t expect to do the polka. Or as William Wallace said in Braveheart, “They may take my Easter eggs, but they won’t take my flashing Autobot Tranformer sneakers!” OK, Bill didn’t say that, but you get the gist. I think since Luke was more into the mad dash and the chaos, and I’m getting more and more in shape, we’re going to sign up for the Thanksgiving day race called the Run for the Diamonds. Carol, Barb, and I have all run it before, so why not? Well, I’m going to eat my carrots and apple and wait for Luke to wake up, which may be a while.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and finds a number in their egg.
Later,
Barry J.
p.s. Happy 13th birthday Andrew “Sunny Jim” R. I hope you have a great day and enjoy your teenage years. I’m always here for you.
Tags: Nutrition
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Friday, 2 April 2010
Let’s celebrate – Barry lost 9 pounds last month!
Week 5: Eat 10 baby carrots each day this week.
Barry
Good morning. I’m sitting here listening to Pearl Jam, having a cup of black Starbucks coffee, and thinking about the walk I just went for. I got up early this morning and had whole wheat toast with Jif. That’s right, I said Jif. I still have some left. Not much, but enough for a couple more mornings. I also drank a glass of juice that my Mom and I made. Did I tell you that my mother bought a Montel Williams juicer? Well she did. In fact, for the past ten years, my mom has bought practically every piece of health and exercise equipment that you see a celebrity or fitness person selling on TV. Her basement looks like a laundry gym. Let me explain. She sees something that sparks her interest into getting in shape, buys it, uses it for a couple of weeks, and then puts it down in the basement where it sits with drying clothes hanging from it – what I call a laundry gym. I have found that the Gazelle is the best for drying shirts and blouses, where the Ab Lounger does a great job on your delicates. God bless her heart. But I’ll tell you what, this juicer is pretty kicking. It’s not like other juicers I’ve used in the past. Maybe you know the kind – you use them once, all the pulp goes to the top, all the juice goes to the bottom, and cleanup is like the day after a New Year’s Eve party. You’re trying to figure out who was eating the fruit cup on your sofa and how they got the pineapple jammed in between the armrest and the cushion. But not the Montel. It blends well and cleanup is easy. It sounds like a 747 taking off when it’s blending a bag of spinach and fruit, but the end result is good. I even threw twenty five baby carrots into the mix. That kind of felt good, to tell you the truth – throwing carrots into a big blender. Man, that’s my dark side coming out. Sorry. Did I mention that I don’t like carrots?
Anyway, while I was walking I was noticing what people had in their yards, on their doors, and in their windows. First things first - sports franchises are a HUGE business. Like I didn’t know that. Like you didn’t know that. But if you ever want to do an experiment, go for a walk and count how many different sports team logos you see on the back of cars, in windows, on flags, etc. It’s amazing. Oh by the way, GO PHILLIES GO!!! Mind you I’m not a big sports guy, but I dig my Phillies and it’s getting to be that time of year.
Another thing I saw was Santa Claus. It’s April 2nd and Santa is still hanging around on the back streets of Berwick, PA. Rock on Santa. Rock on.
I hope everybody out there has a great day and if you see Rudolph, send him my way. I know where his boss is.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: Nutrition, Weight Loss
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Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Week 5: Eat 10 baby carrots each day this week.
Barry
Good morning. I got up at 5:45am today because I had to pick Luke up at 7:15am, and I figured I would get my walk in early. I ate my cantaloupe and drank some of my world famous lightly sweetened home brewed ice tea. OK, it’s not world famous, but it is amazing how much of the sugar I have taken out of it. You see, guys and gals, I used to put over a cup of sugar in a pitcher of tea. Have you ever heard of “Southern sweet tea”? Well this was “NorthEast give you cavities tea”. I’m actually enjoying it now that I’ve gotten it down to a quarter cup of sugar per four quarts of water. And believe me when I tell you, I love my sugar. But I know over-doing it is no good. You’re talking to the king of over-doing things, but I’m stepping down from that throne.
So I’ve been eating my apple every day and walking fifteen minutes at least three times a week. I ate ten baby carrots yesterday, not seven. See, that’s how much I don’t like carrots; I misread Carol’s e-mail to me and thought it said seven where it clearly said ten. I feel really good. I’ll be weighing in on the first of April, so it will be neat to see what’s going on. Believe me, I’ve lost some weight. I can see it. I can feel it. I just know it.
Plus Luke and I got our hair cut today, so right there alone has to be at least an ounce in hair weight. It was pretty funny because Luke went first. You know, just a little trim job for a 586-day-old who was born with a natural mullet. That’s right, Luke was born with a mullet and we keep it that way. You got a problem with that? I didn’t think so. Sorry. Didn’t mean to get all Charles Bronson on you. I’m more like Charlie Brown. Actually, I’m more like Schoeder. Anyway. Luke goes first and I say to Michelle, the hair dresser, “Do you want me to hold Luke while you chop my mop?” Yeah, I actually talk like that. She goes,”Nah, he’ll be fine.” Have you ever seen the prices on the products inside of a hair stylist’s place? I want to be clear here that I don’t go to some fancy shmancy joint. It’s a chain. They cut good hair. I leave happy. I should be going to my friend’s (whose name is also Michelle) place called Serendipity, but it’s eight in the morning and she’s not open. Anyway. Again I state that she said “Nah, he’ll be fine.” I’m thinking, I know he’ll be fine. I’m worried about the seventy dollar bottles of Vidal Sassoon and the eighty dollar jars of Paul Mitchell because I know that if Luke gets in a wrestling match with those pretty bottles and jars, Luke, with his freshly trimmed up mullet, is going to win, and Dado is going to pay for something that he had no idea what purpose it had served inside of the jar, let alone on somebody’s head. I opted to hold him, and we both walked out looking polished and new.
I hope everybody out there is looking as good and feeling as good as Luke and I do.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: nutrition goal
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Monday, 29 March 2010
Week 5: Eat 10 baby carrots every day this week.
Barry
Good morning. And it is an extra good morning because I have Luke an extra day today. Can I get a what, what? Can I get a hoo, hoo? – As the kids used to sing in the late nineties. When I woke up, I ate my breakfast of chopped fruit, whole wheat toast with Jif, and a cup of black coffee. Then I drove down to picked up Sir Luke a Lot and went to Giant food store because Carol had e-mailed my new goal for the week. “Eat seven baby carrots a day.” Trust me when I say this folks, there are no carrots residing in my home. The only “carrots” I like are in my bling, and I don’t even own bling. For those of you who don’t know what bling is, I will explain for I try to stay up with hip terminology. And by using the word “hip” that last statement turns into an oxymoron itself. Anyhow. Bling is shiny jewelry, usually with precious stones in it, such as “ice” or what they are normally referred to as diamonds. You’re welcome Barb and Cindy for the tutelage. That’s a joke – I’m surrrrrrrre you both knew that. Back to carrots. I don’t like carrots. The only thing I like about carrots is that Bugs Bunny seemed to dig ‘em. And I dig Bugs because we share the same birthday. Not the same year, mind you, but the same day. But, if Carol says to eat carrots – Eat carrots I will. If she tells me to eat earthworms, I’ll eat earthworms. I told her I’m in for a penny, in for a pound for the next year so why not? But to be totally honest with you, I would rather eat earthworms than carrots. Luke and I are going for our walk,and it has been raining, so maybe there will be some juicy worms on the road. HHHMMMM.
Have a great day, and I hope this blog didn’t gross you out.
Later,
Barry J.
Tags: nutrition goal
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